


I Loved My friend

by MyCatSaysNo



Category: Captain America, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1930s, Bisexual, Fluff, M/M, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, repressed feeling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-02-10 14:31:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12913884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyCatSaysNo/pseuds/MyCatSaysNo
Summary: Everyone notices the way Steve looks at Bucky.Except Steve. I mean, you're suppose to adore your best friend, right?





	1. Chapter 1

Everyone knew who Steve Rogers was, Sarah Rogers' sickly boy who keeps managing to squirm his way out of deaths grip. As small as he was, no on could miss him- his cough destroying any form of silence around him, his wheezing breathes that had those around him holding theirs. But Steve wasn't fragile, he'd used every ounce of energy his body could muster to challenge anyone dared to be disrespectfully in his proximity. 

No, Steve Rogers wasn't weak. His body was, but his mind and will wouldn't bend, even at the hardest of punches thrown at him. As small and sickly Steve was, he never looked like he needed help. He manged to carry himself with utter respect and dignity, his voice strong even with his failing lungs. But his demeanor always changed when Bucky was around, his eyes sparkle, his steps seemed lighter. He'd gained an energy that he hadn't manged before. Bucky was different than Steve, he was strong, tall, and had good health his whole life. Bucky was a smooth talker, always getting people to warm up to him instantly. See, Bucky had a light that glowed around him, radiating warmth onto anyone who met him. Bucky Barnes was absolute perfection. At least, to Steve he was.  
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Steve and Bucky were attached to the hip, whenever anyone saw one they expected the other. A matching set they were often called. "Where's Steven today, James?" A woman called out to Bucky as he walked home from work. Bucky didn't know this woman, but most knew who Steve was due to the constant announcements made in his church to pray for him. Everyone knew Bucky, well, because he was always with Steve.

Bucky, being polite called back to the woman, "he's home sick today, got a bad cold." Bucky called out, not wanting to give out anymore information. Steve's ma was looking after him, he was in safe hands. But Bucky knew he'd be over later that night was his ma would have to go to work. Steve would complain and tell Bucky to go home, insisting he's fine. Bucky would make a comment saying he's not there for Steve but their to screw his ma, then be attacked by weak and skinny arms. Bucky sighed, unlocking his apartment door where he lives with his family, waiting until 11Pm hits so he can go over and bring Steve back to health. 

Steve groans and rolls over in bed, his body almost reflective from the sweat that's accumulating. His hair is stuck against his forehead, looking much darker then it is from the moisture. His ma had been forcing him to drink abnormally large amounts tea and water for the last two days. She keeps insisting to call the doctor in, have him take medicine to break his fever. But Steve wouldn't have it, telling her he'd tough it out, that it really wasn't that bad. But reality was that Steve could barely sit up to drink, his ma had to carry him multiple times during the day so he could use the bathroom, Steve would continuously apologize for how frequent he had to go, but his mother shushed him. After all, the boy only weights 95lbs soaking wet.. It's nothing she can't handle, she does this all night at the hospital. But Steve feels guilty, knowing his failing body put so much burden on his mother. The time and money she put into her boy was a true sign of a mothers love. 

"Knock knock, who's here? It's the cavalry." Bucky announced as he unlocked the apartment door. Bucky could hear Steve groan from him room, chuckling at his reluctance of having Bucky look after him. Steve actually enjoyed it when Bucky came by to help out, he felt more secure knowing Bucky was by his side. Plus he could talk freely in Bucky's presence, not that his ma isn't great, but you can't discuss the same thing you do with your best friend as you do with your mother. "Oh, Stevie!" Bucky gasped in a playful voice, wrapping Steve in his arms, "My poor boy! Oh, I knew this day would come." Steve chuckled in response, attempting to push Bucky away.

"Hi to you too, Buck." Steve hummed, then starting clearing his throat. Small coughs moved his body, mimicking hiccups. Bucky set down a small container, obviously containing soup that Bucky's ma always sent with him when he was on Steve watch. By this time the Barnes had money stored for when Steve fell ill, in case it got real bad and it didn't look like he'd pull through. They'd offer to pay for the doctor to see Steve, but Sarah would often decline, except for a few times where Steve would be asleep for days. Neither of the boys knew of this fallout plan.

Sarah exchanged a greeting with Bucky before quickly having to say goodbye to both boys. "Ya know," Bucky said, giving a small shove to Steve's shoulder, "I made plans for us to go, was gonna take us on a nice trip to Hawaii." Bucky smirked, gaining a dramatic eye roll from Steve. "I had it all planned. We were gonna get there, catch us some dames, put some color on your skin." Bucky grinned widely, earning a small smile from Steve.

"See, I was thinking more like the Grand Canon." Steve added, trying to prop himself up on his pillows. Bucky assisted him up, but not without Steve mumbling something under his breath. "I'd like to keep my pale completion, thank you very much." Steve tried to joke, but the realization that non of that would come true slowly started filling him. Bucky's smile faded as well, looking at Steve with equal sad eyes.

Bucky twittled his thumbs, listening to Steve's labored breathing. He knows just as well as Steve, that whatever plans they made for the future were just empty dreams. They both knew by the time there was enough money to get to point B, that Steve will most likely be gone by then. Bucky's chest tightened, swallowing hard to try to keep any sad sounds from leaving him. "We'll get there." He spoke softly, ruffling Steve already messy hair. Steve closed his eyes, embracing the comfort he always felt from Bucky's touch. "Now, my ma made you something, and I'm not gonna lie was was pretty jealous considering I wasn't allowed any of it." Bucky raised a hand up, reaching for the soup he brought over. He opened it up, handing it to Steve, but not before he took a spoonful.

Steve made a face of discuss as Bucky put the used spoon back into his soup, "Oh gross. Bucky, I'm already sick, ya trying to dig my grave?" 

"What that's gross to you? Says the guy who ate a lollipop off the floor once." Bucky defended, taking another gulp of the soup, this time straight from the container. Steve tried smacking him away but not deterring Bucky in anyway.

"First of all, I was nine! Second, you dared me to. C'mon Buck you really though I wouldn't do it after you put you marbles up as payment?" Steve laughed, taking a sip of his now contaminated soup. "I was in bed for two weeks after that, I couldn't tell ma anything on how I could've gotten so sick." Bucky ducked his head down, trying to keep himself from laughing too hard.

"Ok, it's funny now but I thought I killed you. I even went to your church and prayed to your God about it!" Bucky whined, "My ma thought I was crazy, asked me if I was converting." At this point Steve's whole body was shaking between a mixture of laughing and coughing. Bucky grabbed the soup before it became acquainted with the floor boards below.

"Ya know-" Steve tried to talking but not able to hold in his laughter long enough, "I still have those m-marbles." Steve looked up with crinkled eyes, his face beet red. His lungs were starting to burn but he wouldn't stop laughing even if he could.

"Yea, yea. Of course you do. Now eat your soup, Punk." Bucky mumbled, still smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ya know Buck, I was thinkin" Steve announced as he and Bucky were walking to the shops to retrieve something for Bucky's ma.

Bucky looked down at him with a smirk, "uh no, now who told you to start doing that?" He chuckled, receiving a light slap on his chest.

"So as I was saying, you know that art school that not too far from here? Ya know, the one within walking distance?" Steve prompted, receiving side eye from Bucky and a low hum, "so as I was sayin, I could try to apply there. I worked out a financial plan already." Steve spoke quickly, giving Bucky a curious look, wanting his friends opinion on his choices.

"So you're tellin me, you wanna walk two to three miles, through the blistering heat, or the towering snow, risk catching _another_ cold, so that you can go and draw, but this time, you have to pay to do that?" Bucky raised an eyebrow, stopping so he can look at Steve. But Steve kept his head down, feeling his cheeks turn red from embarrassment and frustration. "I think you should it." Bucky concluded, giving a hard pat on Steve's back and offering a small smile. Steve gave a shaking sigh and a shy smile, then he took a couple of deep breathes realizing he stopped breathing all together. It wasn't a big deal, he knows this, hell he didn't even need to tell Bucky. But having Bucky agree with the decisions he wants to make mean the world to Steve, knowing he has approval from one of the most influential person in his life.

They carried on their walking, Steve having a feeling of warmth pulse through his body, and having his steps become more determined from the giddiness he felt. "You're not just saying that to say it, are ya Buck?' He asked hopefully, surely Bucky understands how serious Steve is about this. It's not something he thought of last night, Steve may be impulsive but he truly put thought into this idea. Instead of a vocal reply Bucky simply smiled at him, continuing their steps.

Once at the shop Steve follows Bucky around, not exactly sure what they were suppose to get anymore. Bucky looked at the prices and grimaced, a dollar fifty for a pound of white rice, the cheapest option the store had available. Signing in frustration Bucky grabbed the bag, "they're tryin' to rob us, Stevie. Crooks I tell you." He complained, as they made their way to the front of the shop to pay, only loud enough so that Steve could hear him, which was fairly sound considering Steve had hearing loss. "You think my ma would kill me if I got a chocolate?" Bucky asked, looking longingly at the five cent bar, honestly his mama would probably skin him alive for spending unnecessary money. Steve thought carefully, he made an extra three dollars that week from selling news papers, the other boy who worked at another stand luckily-- unfortunately caught polio. Last Steve heard of him he was in a hospital with an iron lung. 

"Oh, I'd never see you again if you did that. I'd see you as a missing person in my papers." Steve proclaimed, "but I for one, need one. I haven't had chocolate in three months." Steve groaned, plucking a candy bar up from the counter. Bucky's eye gleamed, eyeing Steve carefully as he paid for the treat. Bucky couldn't even bring himself to protest, candy has always been a weak spot for him, brought back good memories. He'd complain later, after they ingest the heavenly delight, saying Steve shouldn't feel he need to spend money on him, or Steve should be saving his cash up so they can get something better in the long run. But for now, Bucky eyed Steve like he just performed a miracle that would bring world peace. Maybe if he had then everything wouldn't be so damn expensive.

Bucky paid next, hovering Steve as they left the shop, looking like a dog begging for his masters food. Steve felt gleeful know he made Bucky so happy with such a small gesture. Steve began opening the bar, giving Bucky four pieces. Bucky basically launched himself at Steve's hand. As excited Bucky was he still savored every moment he had the candy in his mouth, knowing he won't have more anytime soon. Steve grinned, enjoying his own chocolate, saving the rest for later, which would defiantly be melted. "You punk, you shouldn't be spending your money because I wanted something." As if on cue, Bucky began listing all the emergencies that could occur, or all the fun they could have if they saved up and resisted buying whatever they pleased. Steve just hummed, agreeing to what Bucky was saying so he'd shut up.

"Yea, yea. I hear ya. Oh, of course, never know when that could happen. Coney Island? Yea, sounds fun. You're never getting me on that ride, Buck" Steve absently responded, gaining an annoyed groan from his friend. "No, no, I'm listenin' Buck, I swear. Yea, something about the hot water thing goin' out." Bucky decided whacking Steve with the bag of rice was the best option of gaining Steve's real attention.

"Stop that, I'm talking to ya and it's serious." He grumbled, pouting that he was being ignored. Steve felt heat rise to his face as he looked at Bucky, leaving him with a slight buzz.

Steve's attention was taken from Bucky when he heard a small argument on the other side of the street, Bucky immediately grabbed onto Steve's small arm, his fingers almost meeting, "for fucks sake Steve, no. You don't even know what they're talking about." Bucky groaned, easily holding Steve in one spot.

"But he should't be yelling at a dame like that, especially in the streets. That's not right Buck, what if that was your ma or sisters being treated that?" Bucky sent a hard glare at Steve, starting to pull Steve's small frame with him when the yelling started to get louder. "Knock it off! You don't treat a lady like that you ruffian!" Steve yelled, facing the man that was across the street. The man's eyes immediately snapped towards Steve, gaining a hard tugged from Bucky.

"The hell you say? Mind your ow damn business ya damn mick." he growled back, grabbing the woman roughly by the arm, bringing her face to close to his so no one knew what he was saying. Steve's feet were planted and so were Bucky's, both glaring the man down. the man looked back at the two, stepping towards them, "I said on you go, you damn queers!" He roared.

Bucky tightened his grip, "Steve... I swear to god. Why do you- my ma's gonna kill us." Bucky huffed, putting the rice in a small bag, starting his way over to the much larger man, Steve close behind.

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"What the _**hell**_!" Bucky's ma yelled, pulling both boys in. " I sent you out for one damn thing, James! What the hell were you thinking? What if you've broken something. Especially having Steve with you, no offense honey, but you know you need to quit with the fighting." She said while slapping Bucky upside his head, earning a childish whine. Mrs Barnes continued to tear into Bucky like a bear into an elk caress, then went onto lecturing Steve about how he doesn't need to criminal record.

"Ma, c'mon we're fine, and, I got your rice." Bucky whined, pushing the rice towards his mother. "And Steve's fine, you know he can handle him self... Sometimes." His voice was small at the end of the sentence, sending a small apologetic smile towards Steve. Steve simply shrugged, returning a lopsided grin. Both boys had black eyes, and bright red bruises on their faces that were slowing turning purple. Bucky got a split lip from the the mans first punch, his shirt was torn and bloodied, causing his mother to drag in by the ear out of frustration. Steve looked bad as well, but Bucky took the majority of the blows, trying to keep Steve from having to go to the hospital again. As badly beaten they were they can proudly say they ran the guy off, or that the police were called and they had to split.

"Go patch yourselves up. You two are absolutely ridiculous, you need to keep your noses' to yourselves, you hear me?" Mrs Barnes scolded one last time before pushing them off to get cleaned off.

They decided to go to Steve's apartment where his mother stocked up on bandages and alcohol for Steve's frequent fights. Even the smallest of scuffles often needed him to be looked over, not because he's always injured but because he mother would yell at him and tell him that he didn't survived all this just to die from being kicked in the stomach. "Thanks for having my back, Buck." Steve spoke up after cleaning a small cut on his temple, turning to Bucky who was deciding whether or not he'll need stitches on his lip. His ma would definitely kill him.

Bucky simply waved him off, "eh, no problem, punk. If I don't jump in after you I'd be cleaning you off the sidewalk." Bucky grimaced as the rag he held to his lip became completely stained in blood. "Tell your mama I'll but her a new rag." Bucky said with a chuckle, placing the rag down in the sink, "You think this needs stitches?" Bucky asked, leaning towards Steve.

Steve swallowed a bit, leaning to examine Bucky's lip, "nah, you're good. Put some ice on, got some in the box." Steve mumbled, pointing towards the kitchen, "Bring me some ice water while your at it!" Steve called out, earning a 'fuck off' from Bucky. Steve let a giggle loose, a large grin covering his face. Steve got up and went to his living room, passing Bucky who sent him a playful glare.

Once Bucky was done with his business in the kitchen he came to sat down on the couch nest to Steve, propping his legs onto Steve's, handing him his water, "Ya know, I'm starting to feel like your wife. I fetch you water, I gotta hold you back from fights, nurse you to health. Not to mention, you buy me chocolate when my heart desires it," Bucky swooned, lighting flicking Steve's ear, "I'm the luckiest dame alive, proud property of Steven G Rogers." He laughed, his whole body moving with him.

Steve's chest once again had the warm feeling inter it, but followed with a lightness that made him feel like a feather, "Your one hell of an ugly dame then." He comments, earning a slap from Bucky

"Fuck you, I'm gorgeous."   

 


	3. Chapter 3

"Ow, ow, ow, ow , OW!" Steve called out, nearly kicking Bucky in the face but managing to get him in the chest.

"ow-fucking shit, Steve shut the hell up before I give you something to cry about ya pansy." Bucky snapped, pinning Steve's let against the bed that Steve was currently sitting on. Bucky has been sitting on the floor for the last forty minutes digging pieces of glass out of Steve's knee. Steve begged Bucky that they didn't need to take him to the hospital, that they could fix the injury themselves. Bucky argued back the entire way back, trying to reason with Steve's stubbornness, all the while Steve was dripping blood all the way home, making a steady trail to follow. From where they were seated an impressive puddle of blood has formed, though it was diluted with the water Bucky kept splashing on Steve's knee so that he could see the smaller bits of glass. He couldn't do much for the bleeding as any pressure he would apply would just push any remaining glass deeper into Steve, the boy lives with enough pain, at least Bucky and try and prevent this. "Clumsy son of a- dammit, Steve." He sighed in frustration, was he dug around with tweezers that he sanitized by holding over a flame. Steve made continuous noises of pain, it wasn't unbearable but they've been going at it for almost an hour.

See, what had happened is that Steve and Bucky were walking around after listening to the radio at the diner. As they were walking they were discussing plans for the weekend when Steve tripped on the curb onto an already shattered glass bottle. Did he need a tetanus shot? Most definitely. Who knows what was on that bottle, or how long its been sat there. Neither boy actually knew the full extent of the damage due to it being late at night and Steve was wearing long trousers. They knew there was quite a bit of blood but they assume it was just one large cut, not three large cuts and hundreds of tiny cuts. The entire way back to Steve's place Bucky tried to convince him to get stitches and have his wound properly cleaned, he even offered to carry Steve, earning the most vicious glare Steve could create.

"Can we take a break, please?" Steve groaned, pulling his leg away, only so Bucky could yank it back, "Buck, c'mon you can't get all the glass ou-OW! Jesus, c'mon!" He growled, gripping the bed as tight as he could, sending daggers towards Bucky, who defiantly has bruises on his knees by now, that he'll be picked on when he's wearing shorts tomorrow at work.

"I think I got all." Bucky grinned in triumph, applying pressure to stop any further bleeding, "this hurtin any?" He asked, the small smile he put on fading slightly as he went back to caring for the wounds. Steve just shook his head, sighing in relief that the torture was finally over. To say Steve was impressed with Bucky's commitment and determination was an understated, he smiled at the thought that Bucky did all that for him, because Bucky thought Steve mattered enough. A light blush started covering Steve's face, until he told himself to quit it, it's just what friends do. But he couldn't get the feeling of comfort to go away, he chewed his lip trying to will it away. Maybe this is how other people feel as well? Definitely, who wouldn't have a deep appreciation if someone took time out of their day to make sure you were ok? Steve accepted the gratitude he felt but still had some nerves going off, brushing them aside as best he could.

Bucky quickly wrapped Steve up then got up with a small noise, his back popping slightly as he straightened out and stretched. His shirt rose slightly when he put his arms out, Steve slowly averted his eyes, looking at his leg. He felt his heart flutter slightly and lightly chewed his lip, must be palpitations again, that'll pass in a week or two. "I'm sleeping here tonight, better make room on that be of yours because your couch feels like concrete," Bucky stated, moving towards the bathroom, "and let's clean all this blood before your ma has a heart attack." He called back. Steve sent a small yea, getting up to start cleaning up around him. Bucky staying in Steve's bed was normal, it's something they did since they were kids. Steve's mom aways gave them strange looks, suggesting that Bucky start sleeping on the floor at least. But the floor was just as bad, and it was freezing all the time, there was absolutely no instillation. His mother would simply give him a small smile and nods, offering Bucky her pillow for the night. He used to decline every time, but she always made a point in shoving it into his hands before bed.

Plus, Steve liked the extra warmth it provided. He also found comfort when he'd wake up on Bucky's chest, absorbing all his heat. Bucky didn't mind either, Steve always ended up laying on Bucky at some point during the night. Steve used to apologize at first then sleepily roll away, but now they've just accepted that Steve was drawn to warmth due to being so small, even if it was 90 degrees out. That was all, honestly.

Bucky quickly came bounding back, stripping off his pants and shirt, "Finally, I've been burnin up all day." He sang out, bouncing onto Steve's bed. "Your ma gonna be back tonight? Because I'm sure as hell not going outside to clean up your mess." Buck stated, reminding Steve of the small river he made on his way home.

Steve walked back into his room, "well why n- Jesus, Buck. Seriously?" Steve complained, gesturing towards Bucky's bareness, "I need help cleaning. Can't you see my injury?" He motioned to his knee, causing Bucky to snort, waving him off.

"You ain't got pants on either, plus who spent all that time takin care of you?" He raised an eyebrow, gesturing to his bruised knees. "It'll be fine, I'm sure. C'mon, I'm beat pal." He called, hitting the bed roughly. Steve rolled his eyes, limping over to the bed where Bucky shuffled over to make more room for his much small friend. "Ya know, I got a pair of really old pants, like three years ago. I think it'll fit you if you want em." Bucky offered, putting his arms behind his head.

Steve sighed but nodded, he knew his ma wouldn't be able to buy him a new pair anytime soon, "Yea, thanks, Buck." He mumbled as he took his own shirt off, splaying on the bed, right arm draping over Bucky as they both laid on their backs. The 85 degree air felt significantly cooler now that they weren't covered, but after a minute Steve pulled a thin sheet over them, not liking how exposed he felt. No matter how hot it was Steve always insisted on having something covering him, always gaining complaints from Bucky throughout the night when he woke up from being way too hot, especially when Steve rolled on him. "My ma threatened to roll me up in newspaper the other day and write 'fragile' if I got hurt or sick again this month." Steve laughed, looking over at Bucky who was trying to hide his smile.

"I mean, you have great access to it so that's not going to be a problem when she gets back." Bucky chuckled, imagining what Steve would look like as a giant wad of newspaper, then started laughing even harder at the image. Steve's tiny body completely covered, except for his head that was barley peaking out, his arms splayed out like a bird. "I'll get the tape." He wheezed out, looking over at Steve who just glared with a soft smile on his lips.

"You're a jerk," Steve chimed, rolling over slightly so be was pressed to Bucky, "could you turn that lamp off?" He hummed, pointing at said lamp. Bucky stretched until he was able to tug the string that controlled the lamps power.

"Better?" Bucky whispered, gaining a nod from Steve, feeling his hair rub on his side. They both sat in content, enjoying the peace of the night after Steve's little incident. It was nice, listening to the soft sounds from outside, every few minutes they'd hear someone raise their voices, or the occasional drunk singing in the streets. "You know, I'm going to get so much shit tomorrow for these bruises tomorrow." Bucky spoke in a relaxed tone, his voice getting gravelly from becoming tired.

Steve huffed a small laugh, nuzzling slightly into Bucky's side but stopping when Bucky jerked away from the tickling sensation, leeting out a small giggle that defiantly didn't come from him. "Let em know Steve Rogers caused them." He joked, shifting again to find a comfortable position.

Bucky rolled his eyes, looking down at Steve's silhouette, "you know they already think we're queer, why ya wanna encouraged that?" He asked rhetorically, but spoke with lightness. In all honesty, Bucky didn't really care about what others thought. He was actually friends with a few queer folk so he understood the insult he'd push onto them if he was offended for being called a queer. It was just how it was, nothing dangerous. But Bucky knew the danger of being caught queer was just as dangerous as being accused, which is why he often worried when someone would imply Steve of being like that.

"You know I'm playin, I can't get a dame to let alone you." Muttered, causing Bucky to sit up some.

"Wait, whoa, whoa, what about Shirley Reed?" Bucky asked in shock. Steve just shook his head, burying his head into Bucky's side to hide his face in the already dark room, "Beverly? Beverly Turner?" He gasped. Steve lifted his head, letting a few sounds put and he tried to form the right words.

"Yea? But that was awhile ago and you helped me." His voice tight, "I couldn't do that on my own, Buck." He spoke with embarrassment, hiding his face once more, sighing deeply. Steve looked back up, looking at what he assumed to be Bucky's face, "besides, even if I had more experience they still wouldn't believe us."

Bucky shook his head, "and whys that?" He asked sternly.

Steve simply looked up with a goofy grin that Bucky couldn't see, "Bucky, we're laying in a single with only our underwear on, we're practically screaming faries." He reminded, laying his head on Bucky.

Bucky snorted, placing his hand on Steve's head, "Yea, guess you got me there." He uttered before closing his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with the sleeping arrangements, this is something I used to do with my best friend. We alays slept in the same bed, but the difference is that I'd rest my head on her chest and we'd fall asleep like that, talking about whatever.
> 
> While it was innocent it didn't help with my developing feelings that I kept denying. I kinda assumed every one did this, right? Now, yea, probably not. But it was like my safety net, it made me feel at peace. I did it a lot less when I stop bullshitting how I felt but somehow I always ended up back to that spot, and she would casually hold me there. It was a small gesture, but it was everything.
> 
> Maybe other friends do this and it is completely platonic from both sides, idk (I obviously don't know from personal experience) but this is something that helped me slowly figure my feeling out, hopefully it'll help Steve.
> 
> also I didn't edit this yet, I will do so tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's important information to add that Steve and Bucky are only about 19 in this story.
> 
> Also a large portion of the chapter was deleted because my computer wants to box me. So I'm posting a significantly short chapter than I had planned to be because I'm scared that what I've rewritten might get destroyed as well. Also, it's late so there was 0 editing on this. i apologize for the assault your eyeballs are about to endure

Loud steps and the sound of a door being slammed was the first thing Steve heard that morning, waking Steve with a start. Steve moved groggily, his whole body draped over Bucky's, heat radiating steadily off. There was sweat in all the places their skin met, but it did'y make Steve want to move any time soon. Instead he nestled back into Bucky, his head on his chest, "you know you could be getting robbed right now," Bucky spoke lowly as Steve began closing his eyes.

"If they find something let me know." Steve murmured back in a dead tone, "Ma, that you?" Steve called out, his voice croaky.

"I'm looking for the damn tape, where the hell did all this damn blood come from?" She yelled back, her footsteps coming to the door. Bucky sat up, gently pushing Steve off him, looking to see if his shirt was near by, "Steve, I can't im- oh, hello James." Her voice turning soft as she looked at Bucky then back at her son.

Bucky gave a nervous smile, knowing their sleeping arrangements were a little more intimate than normal, "it sure was hot last night. Oh, quite warm today as well." He started to get of bed but blushed, remembering the bruises on his knees. "Steve, um, hurt his knee last night- go show her Steve." He nudge, nearing sending Steve to the floor. Bucky just wanted to make a point that they were in fact not naked, from the look on Mrs Rogers face, she needed that reassurance.

Steve stumbled a bit, motioning to his poorly wrapped bandaged that now had brown stains from the oxidized blood, "it wasn't that bad, just a couple cuts." Steve added, thinking her facial expression was from his injury. His mother nodded then gave a weary smile before backing out the room and closing the door, "she knows it was a lot worse. I could see it." Steve commented as he started putting his shirt on.

Bucky groaned, looking at the pair of shorts he was wearing yesterday. "Steve, don't think she... Yea, you're right. Might as well come clean." Bucky insisted as he dressed himself, "I gotta get going, need to be at work in..." He checked his watch, "about an hour."

Steve nodded in understanding, attaching his overall to his pants. "I'll see you around, Buck. Good luck explainin those bruises." He smirked, making Bucky groan, turning his face pink. Steve smiled to himself, leaving his room to properly greet his mom. Bucky was right behind him but dashed for the door to keep Steve's ma from see his blue knees.

Steve's ma eyes him sadly, trying to smile at her son genuinely. Steve sighed at the expression his ma was giving him, making his step a bit louder to show it was bothering him, "ma it's fine. I fell, alright? It's ok, Bucky helped patch me up and I'll get the blood up before I go," He complained loudly, then regretting his tone, " ma, I'm alr-"

"God love you, Steve," She interrupted, looking deeply into her son's eyes, "and don't you ever have anyone convince you otherwise." She stated firmly, walking towards Steve so he could place her hand on his cheek.

Steve gave a soft smile, feeling all the love his ma feels for him, "I know, ma," he smiled, pulling away so he can start his day, "I get reminded every Sunday." He teased.

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"I'm going to kill you for how much shit I got today," Bucky grumbled, grabbing Steve from behind to start tussling his hair. Steve struggled, trying to get Bucky off but failed miserably. He even resorted to trying to bite him on the arm, "ay- AYE! Ok, ok, don't do that. I don't know where you've been."

"Piss off, jerk," he laughed, ducking away from Bucky. 

"Hey-" Bucky said, pointing at Steve's messy hair, "-that suites you." He commented, getting waved off as Steve attempted to re-tame his hair. Bucky just gave a wide grin, pulling Steve back in by his shoulders and started to walk, slapping Steve's hand away as he tried to fix his hair.

"Dammit, Bucky. would'ja quit it," Steve cursed as Bucky roughly pulled him along, "where we goin?" Steve asked as Bucky guided him along.

"I have a preposition for tonight," Bucky announced, pulling Steve in tighter, earning a painful squeak to leave Steve's lips. Bucky released his hostage as he continued walking along, "you know how the guys I work with are mostly a bit older than me?" He asked not waiting for an actual reply, "well, Steven, I managed to get one of them to get us some booze." He bragged, stopping to check Steve's reaction.

"Bucky last time we drank you almost caused me to get alcohol poisoning," Steve accused, making Bucky gasp in response.

"I did n-"

"You keep pushing the bottle to my mouth saying, 'drink more, you gotta drink more. I can't be more drunk than you.' I didn't know it was physically possible to throw up that many times in one night, Buck. I could have lived without knowing." Steve concluded with an enticing smile, gesturing Bucky to continue leading the way.

Buck tried to come up with something for his defense but thought of nothing, instead he grinned widely and shrugged, "ok, but what about that time you pierced my ear?" Bucky laughed, "I didn't even know til my sister saw it. Ma almost killed me, she basically ripped it out." He made a face at the memory, rubbing his left ear, a small dark scar was there, but you'd never notice unless you really looked.

Steve just smirked, his eye twinkling. See, Steve and Bucky don't have casual drinks, it's either drink the whole bottle or don't drink at all. One main reason is that if either of there mothers found said bottles their would be hell to pay and both boys knew what'd they would most likely face. But a problem that both boys can't seem to get under control is how reckless and stupid they are after drinking their weight in whiskey, they've never had a night of drinking without bringing back a story with them.

For example, once they were yelling down the streets of Brookyln, arms linked and barley able to stand let alone walk, declaring the other his best friend. Eventually someone called the police on them, after several failed attempts to tell them to shut it. Neither of them know exactly how they got away, the only memories they have is shaking vision as they ran for it, feeling their bodies hit against objects, even jumping over a few things. They did wake up in Steve kitchen, bruised up, clothes dirty. Steve even had a cut on his calf that later scarred, they assumed from jumping a fence based off all the other scratches on him. Steve was impressed with himself, knowing he would never be able to jump a fence on a regular day. To this day they still try to piece together that particular night, wanting to fill the blanks in.

Another night, that was much more tame involved Steve stripping down as be drew Buck, who was completely clothed, claiming he was changing the art world. That the critics would call his actions a master piece and he changed rolled of the artist and the art piece, even going as far to claim it'll end world hunger from the money it'll bring. Bucky, on the other hand fell asleep less then three minutes in the alcohol making his head spin the entire time Steve rambled on, making a mess of pencil marks on his sketch book. Lucky for them Steve woke up some time during the night an redressed himself before his ma could ever find them like that. The bottles were long gone, disposed of them the second they were empty, the only thing they couldn't explain is why Steve's room was such a disaster.

Bucky knocked on a worn down door then leaned next to it patiently. They could hear someone stumbling around, cursing as something fell. The door swung open and the man instantly recognized Bucky, "oh there you are James, just one minute," he spoke quickly, turning back inside to get what Bucky came for, "here ya go, thanks again for covering my shift. Wife would've killed me." He didn't say anything after that, closing the door immediately after Bucky grabbed hold of the brown carrying bag he had handed him. The clinking inside making the contents inside obvious as Bucky put the strap around his shoulder.

"Apparently covering shifts can be rewarding." Bucky stated as they began walking back to either Steve or Bucky's place.

"Why did you need to cover his shift?" Steve question, looking confused.

"He needed to go to a funeral that day but completely forgot. It was his mother in law," Bucky said as he pressed his lips together.

Steve frowned, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion, "how do you forget a funeral?" Bucky simply lifted the bag in response, making Steve shake his head, seeming to lose faith in humanity, "guess we're doing him a favor," he uttered.

"Now, where we going? Mines or yours?" Bucky asked, slowing his pace, "if we take this to mine my brat sister might find it and tattle. If we go to yours we need to get by your ma, she'll definitely ask what's inside." Bucky splayed out their options. Steve bit his lip as Bucky stared at him for an answer. Just as Steve was going to answer Bucky cut in.

"We could always go to my work and hide out there, no one works tonight," he suggested, gaining a judgmental stare from Steve. The number one rule they established after the incident with the roller bladders and the painted is; never get drunk outside or think about going outside drunk. The second one was hard to do but so far they've managed.

"No. We'll go to mines, ma would be asleep," Steve assured as they continued walking but this time with a destination, "besides, she's been working the night shift for well over a month now, she sleeps during the day with no problem." 

Bucky looked over raising his eyebrows slightly, making Steve's smile spread as they began getting excited for their plans for tonight, "not gonna lie, my ma's gonna have my ass for not telling her where I've been for the night again. Worth it." He proclaimed, gaining a 'hell yea' from Steve.


	5. Chapter 5

Steve and Bucky quietly enter Steve's place, trying not to disturb Mrs Rogers, more for their sake of not wanting to get caught than just being considerate.They took ridiculously small steps, a mouse would be jealous at how light they were on their feet. Not even a creek in the floorboard dared to creek for the look of determination seems way too threatening. They expertly sneaked into Steve's bedroom, holding their breathes in case Mrs Rogers trained ears may hear them, the smallest wheeze from Steve would magically summon her on the spot.

Closing the door tentatively both boys let out a small gasp as they finally began breathing again, Steve's face being mildly red from enduring nearly thirty seconds without breathing. Bucky began storing the goods behind Steve's bed making sure it wouldn't be seen from any angle, once he was satisfied with his hiding skills he sat down on Steve's bed, giving him an evil grin. Bucky reached into his pocket, pulling out a stack of card, "now," he spoke in a cool tone, "I want a rematch." He stated as Steve gained a mischievous smile. Bucky began dealing as Steve slipped off his suspenders and shoes."

***

"Y-you know what I think?" Bucky sneered, staring Steve down viciously.

"What do ya think, Buck?" Steve said in a pouty tone, leaning towards Bucky face, giving his the most innocent face he could muster.

Bucky sucked his teeth, leaning in so his breath hit Steve's face, their noses almost touching, "I think you have to be a fucking cheater! Five rounds Steve, _five_. Do you think this is some kind of game?" He glared, hoping Steve will give him the answer his ego needed.

Instead Steve sighed, setting his cards down, looking Bucky dead in the eye with the most calm determent Bucky has ever seen someone have, "it is a game," He blandly stated, but leaned in so his mouth was practically on Bucky's ear, "my game." He whispered, sending a small chill down Bucky's neck.

Bucky tilted his head, his eyes meeting Steve's again, "that so, huh?" he murmured, biting his lip. Steve stared absently at Bucky's lips admiring their shade of red today, and how soft they seemed; like rose petals. "Ya see, Stevie... I disagree." He spoke in a husky voice, leading Steve's eyes back to his.

Steve gave a nod, looking down then back up, "that so? **James**." Steve spoke Bucky's name as if he were forbidden, filled with defiance.

Both boys glared at each other, holding their ground until someone breaks. Steve took this opportunity to study Bucky's face and to learn all his features. Steve has always found himself staring at Bucky,please with how... symmetrical his features were, often finding himself in disbelief in how perfect he seemed. This often lead to a deep warmth to fill his gut, and it wasn't any different today. The thing that fascinated Steve more than Bucky's color changing lips were his eyes, he couldn't help but just admire the deep blue it was, how it almost seemed unnatural for a human to possess. Bucky's eye seemed to start wondering over Steve's face as well, both returning to their eyes realizing they weren't focusing on what they were meaning to achieve, which either weren't exactly sure on.

Steve felt utter awe as he looked into Bucky's eyes, because they're so interesting to look at and as an artist Steve is drawn to things that resemble, well, art. Steve's eyes began drifting again as he looked at Bucky's lips, they were something Steve thought about regularly, because they change colors, isn't that bizarre? So obviously that'd be something that often caught his attention or find himself dazing off about. One minute they'll be a pastel pink, another they'll almost match Bucky's skin tone, then suddenly they're a blood red. Truly a work of art in Steve's eye, leaving no doubt in Steve's mind that everyone thought the same when looking at Bucky, how could they not? He was a prime example of a master piece.

His concentrated eyes scanned Bucky's face, taking in every unique mark that was blessed to take part of making Bucky, "I'm going to draw you," Steve stated, leaving no time for Bucky to object, as he gather his supplies quickly, even getting his most expensive coloring pencils. Bucky honestly didn't mind the idea of Steve drawing him, in fact he would encourage if Steve's truly serious about art school. But also Bucky never had anyone draw him before, it'd be nice to see how someone else sees him, "try not to move and let me know if you feel uncomfortable with how close I get," Steve added, his eyes zoning in on Bucky's face, making him feel naked under Steve's gaze.

He began slowly, his eyes shifting back in forth in a rhythm, then his hand began to move faster and he start shifting the sketch book in his hand. Steve decided to focus on Bucky's eyes for today, he'll just leave a rough sketch of everything else. What truly draws Steve to Bucky's eyes was the astonishing blue that Steve wouldn't believe humanly possible to possess if it weren't for seeing it first hand. The shade was absolutely indescribable, because it wasn't just one shade of blue, not it was multiple shades all coming together to create the most mesmerizing shade of blue Steve has ever had the honor to have witnessed.

With great precision Steve spent the next half hour coloring every detail he could in Bucky's eyes, often using one shade of blue for only a second before throwing it down for another. Bucky was in awe in the way Steve's knitted together as he studied Bucky, the passion Steve was presenting was something to be jealous of. The way he'd gently tilt Bucky's head up so the lighting gave him a better few, so he could draw every detail in color, so he could have a piece of perfection carried with him.

"D- wait." He gently brushed the pencil against the paper one last time,"done." Steve declared, closing his book. Bucky reached his hand out, gripping Steve's wrist. Steve froze for a moment, opening the book back up. Bucky gently took hold of the sketch book, turning it towards him.

Bucky let a small gasp out, low enough Steve couldn't hear it. He ran his fingers delicately over the piece in front of him, completely taken back by the amount of skill was put into this. It was almost hypnotizing knowing the eyes on the page weren't real, just Steve's talent. Bucky knew Steve was a great artist, there was no doubting that, but Steve rarely showed his works to Bucky. He explained to him once his drawings were a diary, even if Bucky didn't understand the significance of the drawings,it still felt too personal. In this moment Bucky finally saw just how fantastic of an artist Steve was, how much he truly loved creating.

"This... This is great, Stevie. Wow." Bucky breathed out, his attention still glued onto the page, "you're gonna do great in art school, Steve. You're gonna make other artist fucking cry--" he began rambling out praise in a rapid fire pace, making a large blush on Steve's face form.

"It's nothing, Buck... I just drew what I was. You uh, have amazing eyes- to draw and paint, the colors are good." Steve stumbled over his words, getting Bucky to look up from the page when he said he though his eyes were amazing. 

Bucky noticed the bright blush on Steve's face, noting it was because he was looking in his book and critiquing his art, "you think my eyes are amazing?" Bucky spoke softly, a smile starting to form on his lips. He handed Steve his book back, a blush of his own forming on his face. 

Steve's face was on fire by now, struggling to get any words out, "yea?" He squeaked, putting his supplies away quickly and clumsily. Bucky didn't notice, caught up in his own world from the compliment Steve gave him. Surprisingly Bucky doesn't get a lot of genuine complements, he's been told he was hot, sexy, even godly, but no ones ever pointed out one of his features and declare them amazing. It made Bucky's heart flutter, and he wouldn't be shy to admit it either.

Bucky was about to say something to Steve, to return the feeling or simply thank him, but Steve's ma chose the moment to wake up, calling out to Steve, "Steven, Are you home?"

"Y-yea ma! I'm in my room, Buck's over too," Steve bellowed out, making Bucky's ears ring. Sometimes Steve doesn't exactly know how loud he is, but at least he wasn't sitting next to him like normally.

Bucky noticed the small space it took for Sarah to call back to Steve, then bit his lip as he cringed t himself, remembering the awkward morning he had to experience. Steve didn't seem fazed by it at all, almost as if he was denying what they were doing was a little too intimate for two friends. But knowing Steve he probably didn't care about how others perceived it, he knows it was innocent and that's all that mattered.

Bucky rolled his eyes to himself at how stubborn Steve was, hard to believe that guy so smalls prized trait was what got him into trouble. Stiffing a laugh Bucky imagined Steve as on of those small angry dogs that used to chase them down streets when they were kids, Steve must've channeled their spite growing up. "Hey Steve, oh you're... Not, ok" Bucky flattered as he realized Steve was no longer in the room, "I need to put a damn bell on him, then maybe he wouldn't be able to wonder off and get his ass kicked." He uttered to himself, waiting on the bed for Steve to come back.

He looked at the bruises on his knees, they weren't bad but you could definitely tell they were there. Bucky meant to ask Steve how his knee was today, he probably needed to rewrap it, knowing Steve he probably took it off already.

Steve walked back into his room, gaining Bucky's attention. Steve looked deeply concerned, his soft face scrunched up, "hey, what's with you?" Bucky prodded, "and don't you sa-"

"Some of the nurses working in the TB ward contracted it, they're going to have her start working in the wards to make up for it." He explained.

"It'll be fine, Steve. Don't worry about a thing," Bucky reassured.

Steve sighed, taking a seat on the bed, "yea, I know. She's worried about making contact with me afterward, she's scared I might catch it." He grumbled, but knew her fears could easily become a reality. Steve gets sick if she passes someone on the street with a cold, his system just didn't know how to defend itself.

Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve, pulling him into his side tightly, "nah, it knows better then to try to take out Steve Rogers," planting a rough kiss on the top of his head, "how about those drinks now?" grins painted both their faces.


	6. Chapter 6

“Are you ready, Rogers?” Bucky questioned as he loosened his shoulders, bringing his bottle near his lips. Steve copies him, a wickedness dancing on his lips.

“Always ready, unless you’re trying to stall,” Steve retorted, chugging his bottle. Bucky blinked in surprised and quickly began chugging his own bottle, looking over at Steve so he wouldn’t stop before he did.

After a few second they both pulled the bottles from the lips and grimaced, physically shaking from the horrendous taste that greeted their mouths, “Jesus, fu-“

“Aye, no using the name in vain.” Bucky playfully scolded, “I think this stuff is worse than that vodka I stole from Harrison’s house.” He added, choking on his words a bit.

“Steve raised an eyebrow, taking another swing from his bottle, the warm feeling in his stomach bringing nostalgic memories that sparked his excitement, “You said he gave that to you,” Steve teased, “now I’m best friends with a criminal. All my morals, out the window.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, chugging his bottle briefly, “ok, but Steven Rogers isn’t the innocent man he plays out to be,” Bucky announced as if calling out the greatest scam of the century.

Drinking from his own bottle Steve squinted his lips before setting it down between his legs. A smirk played on his lips, and his voice confused, “is that so?”

Nodding vigorously Bucky felt the room began to move ever so slightly until his movements ceased, “oh yeah, you play noble but you’re just as careless as me. You scammed that Italian guy into paying twice the amount for a newspaper a few months back.”

“Scamming,” Steve added casually, sipping his bottle carefully.

“Pardon?”

“He still hasn’t caught on,” Steve chuckled, looking extremely pleased with himself, “he’s rich and barely speaks English, what he don’t know won’t kill 'em, Buck.”

Bucky shook his head, but a proud smile beamed from him, “poor wop. You’re awful Steve, really,”

“To be fair,” Steve started to argue, his words slower, “he did refer to you as a kike,” Steve added, taking another swing.

Bucky frowned, swirling his bottle, “well I guess we’re even now that I’ve called him a kop.”

———

“No, no, no, no! T-that is not what happened. That w-was not what h-happened, that’s n-ot,” Steve slurred, his voice much louder than needed be. Steve was smiling widely was he shook Bucky from side to side.

“Yes, it is! Yess it is!” Bucky yelled at the veil in his eyes sewn shut, “You literally tipped the fucking fence piece- thingy out and you hit that kid in the head with the fucking nails.” Bucky howled, falling to his side laughing hysterically.

Steve shook his head like a child would, his whole body moving with him, “I didn’t even think y-you could phys-phy-cally do that!” Bucky rolled over onto his stomach, crawling up to Steve before pulling himself back to his knees, grabbing Steve tightly by the shoulders, “what the hell did he say to ya, Steve? W-what could he have… did, did he, did he dishonor a dame?” Bucky bellowed, tears from laughing starting to fill his eyes.

“Did the mighty Steve’s strength come out again t-to defend the honor of all of Brooklyn’s women?” Bucky chuckled, his face next to Steve’s.

Steve felt his heart clench and he leaned his body into Bucky’s, his mouth lightly brushing Bucky's neck, “I- kinda? He said, well first he was— umm, that we were just micks— donkeys,” Steve stumble on his words as he attempted to remember the events of that day that created Bucky’s favorite story, “course, I didn’t care for dat, call meh a mick all ya want, but t-then he said—… yea know w-what? I can’t remember. Y-yea, I can’t remember. But I do k-know he was gone call his over to get ya.”

Bucky pulled back, looking at Steve with hazy, unfocused eyes,”m’hero, but ya a fuckin liar. Remember everything…” Bucky mumbled, falling onto his back, “lay with me,” Bucky commanded, pushing Steve with his feet.

Steve flopped into his belly then began removing his shirt like Bucky had the night before, except a lot slower and with zero coordinates or grace, “Tis hot,” he whined, almost popping a button off, “take your shirt off, Buck… I don’t, I don’t wanna… be shirtless alone.” Steve explained as if what he was saying made the most perfect and logically sense, and Bucky seemed to believe so to as he began taking off his shirt quickly.

Steve laid on top of Bucky, clinging to him, “how many girls y-ou been with?” He hummed, rubbing his cheeks on Bucky’s body, “such a sheik.” He whispered lightly.

Bucky’s reply was basically instant, “a shit ton, Stevie, so many… I still can’t believe you’ve only been with one person, anyone w-would be soooo lucky to have ya,” Bucky began a mini-rant before Steve interrupted.

“It was just a blowjob, Buck. I- I ain’t— I ain’t got much farther.” Steve explained, picking at the blanket clumsily.

Bucky stayed silent for a minute, petting Steve’s hair, “missin out dey are… least I don’t gotta share my snuggle pup. You’re great, Stevie, fuckin amazing,” Bucky assured, destiny Steve may feel less confident in himself.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind, really. Just not— m’not worried.” Steve sighed gently, then pushed himself up so he was looking down on Bucky, “what’s it like? I wan- wanna know, for science.”

“It’s sweaty an-and just feels good, not just cause the sex part, b-but the touching, the touching, Steve, all the touching… a-nd biting and scratchin, s’nice. Can’t really describe it, but it’s… nice.”

Steve stared at Bucky, nodding his head to the poorly explained information that he was just given, “I kissed a guy once,” Steve confessed, instantly feeling regret, “oops.” He muttered, laying down opposite of Bucky.

“Same,” Bucky murmured, “me too, buddy.”

“I kissed em cause he asked if he could. Was fine say no, but I didn’t… was curious and no one would know.” Steve admitted, “it was ok, wasn’t great. And we drank a little before, don’t think I would’ve been brave enough sober.”

Bucky sat up, tucking his legs to his body, “I just wanted to try it, went a little farther even. Didn’t fuck, but wasn’t a clean exchange.” Bucky causally added, “was last year, we hadn’t been drinkin at all. Just wanted to try… I have queer friends and they obviously choose to be queer for a reason, it was good but I wouldn’t actively do it again… don’t think I would,”

Steve’s stomach felt warm, but a different earth than what the alcohol was providing, he felt his emotions without this conscious censoring it, “shit…” he whispered, finally addressing the feeling that kept occurring, “no, no,” he muttered lightly sitting up so he and Bucky could make eye contact, wanting to get his head off the subject that he brought up.

Steve stared down at his legs, feeling panicked, “Steve? Are you ok?” Bucky slurred, moving forward so he was looking up at Steve’s face, “I-is it because of what I just told you? Steve, S-Teve 'm sorry. Don’t be mad, don’t be m-mad, swear I won’t mention it again if you h-hate me for it. Don’t— Stevie,” Bucky cried out, his heart starting to race as the thoughts of Steve hating him or never wanting contact with him again began filling his mind, even the idea that Steve might tell everyone what Bucky did.

Bucky gasped at the thought as he kept murmuring for forgiveness, begging Steve, “not mad, Buck. I kissed a guy too, just… just thinkin bout stuff.” Steve managed out the lie effortlessly. Bucky whined in relief, hugging Steve tightly. Steve gasped as their skin touched, Bucky’s nose in Steve’s hair.

“Can’t lose you, m’best friend. Thought you hated me,” he muttered, squeezing Steve’s frail body with a little too much force, enough to leave small bruises, “gotta stop drinking so much at once,” he managed out, smiling when he heard Steve laugh.

Steve managed to squeeze himself from Bucky’s tight grip, leaning his head on his shoulder, “what the hell e’vn was that stuff?” He asked, so very subtlety smelling Bucky, “smell nice, Buck,” a quiet compliment fell from Steve’s lips.

Bucky stumbled from the bed, nearly falling to his face when he began walking out the room, “I gotta piss,” he commented, using the wall to guide him, “I think I’m… I’m gonna hurl, Steve…”

Steve pushed himself from his bed, falling to the floor as the room started spinning around him, “n-no! Don’t you dare, Bucky, don’t you f-fuckin dare ya cunt.” Steve began lifting his body off the floor, steadying himself as best he could as he stumbled down the hall to where Bucky was standing, “go, g-o the toilet is right there, Bucky… it’s right there, C'mon! I-it’s right there,” he loudly complained, pushing Bucky with all his weight to where he needed to be.

“I got it- shhh, I got it, Steeb, I got it, Steeb. I’m…I'm a grown man. I got it, you hear, I got it.” Bucky tried to convince, “m’ not that… that drunk. I’m fine, toots.”

Bucky tripped at the door of the bathroom and grabbed Steve for support. Both boys obviously fell to the floor dude to Steve lack of strength and coordinates. Bucky landed flat on his back, only a foot from the toilet he attempted to walk to, Steve landed on Bucky’s chest, but for a 90-pound guy, he sure did knock the wind out of Bucky. Steve’s tiny body most definitely left some bruises on his torso, meaning he’ll have to put his shirt back on in case Mrs. Rogers walks in on another easily misinterpreted scene, he’d have no way of explaining the small bruises.

“Steeb? Are you ok?” He grunted out, his nausea getting worse by the minute. Before Steve could reply to Bucky’s question he was being thrown off as Bucky jumped to the toilet, the remaining alcohol in his stomach being forced out.

Steve brought his hand to his face to wipe off something that was ticking his lip, when he bright his hand down he realized he had a nice bleed, “m’nose bleeding, Buck.” Steve groaned, gathering a cloth at the sink and applying pressure. Steve tilted his head back but remembered his mother always told him to lean his head forward, saying he’d choke on his own blood.

Once Bucky was done emptying his stomach he moved on to relieve his bladder, Steve’s presence not bothering him one bit; one, because he was wasted off his ass, and two, he didn’t give a shit. He knew Steve wouldn’t care. Bucky turned his body when he was done, facing Steve’s small frame, “sorry I threw ya… what happened t-to your nose?” Bucky squinted, trying to focus on what was happening.

Steve lowered the rag, the bleeding slowed dramatically, “nosebleed, probably when we fell,” he explained, looking at the rag, “wasn’t too bad,” he finished, putting the rag back to his nose.

“We gotta get someone to babysit us, I swear.” Bucky moaned, assisting Steve back to the room, almost falling many times in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Drinking age. In response to the National Minimum Drinking Age Act in 1984, which reduced by up to 10% the federal highway funding of any state which did not have a minimum purchasing age of 21, the New York Legislature raised the drinking age from 19 to 21, effective December 1, 1985."
> 
> These boys aren't being rebels, they're in the legal drinking rang but since they are 19 in this story the year is 1936isn and prohibition was repealed in 1933, so their mothers aren't fond of alcohol. 
> 
> Also, Bucy's rant on Steve was him being, "this is my best friend, my best friend is the greatest human on the planet." is just something me and my friend used to chant.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there hasn't been an update in so long! I just finished to process of moving and I've been having some health flares (endometriosis and migraines) 
> 
> not gonna lie i half assed chapter because i wanted something to come out. the next will be real chapter
> 
> also... i used to write crack fic all the time and i think its now a part of me
> 
> im so sorry

Steve and Bucky were splayed out on the grass of the park, listening to their surroundings and relaxing as a gentle breeze brushed their skin, “I’m charging him normally, now,” Steve piped up, not opening his eyes.

Bucky scrunched his eyebrows, also keeping his eye closed, “what?” he questioned.

Steve sighed, lightly kicking Bucky’s calf, “The rich guy, told ‘em I changed my prices. I felt bad, Buck, I don’t bullies and I was taking advantage of him, “Steve confessed, his voice a little higher than usual.

Bucky turned his head towards Steve, opening his eyes to glare at him, “you amiable little shit, that was good money. Dammit Steve, that man could pay your way through college,” he spoke with pinched lips.

Steve looked at Bucky with guilty eyes, “I know, I know! I just-”

Bucky waved him off, closing his eyes once more to bathe in the sun's’ rays, “you don’t gotta explain ya self, Stevie. You always do what you thinks right, even when it’s something stupid seven out of ten. Whatever keeps your conscious clean, Steve,”

Nodding to himself, Steve sighed in relief, “thanks, Buck,” he smiled gently, looking at the clouds above, admiring how their white coloring contrasted against the sky’s bright blue. He also made a note that it had nothing on Bucky’s eyes’, and if the sky could think he knew it’d be jealous of Bucky Barnes. He smile brightly to himself, happiness filling his chest.

“What’s got you so giddy?” Bucky smirked, wanting in on what’s got his bestfriend so happy suddenly. A small blush spread on Steve’s cheeks, making Bucky sit up in concern, “you’re not getting a sunburn are you? Steve, you’re mom said put on sunscreen, man.” His voice had mild disappointment that made Steve quickly sit, which made him see stars during the sunny day.  
“I did! See?” He whined, taking Bucky's’ hand to his face, “I fucking told ya, I know my pale ass needs the protection, unlike you when you got burned up last summer,” Steve snapped, then went on to do a very accurate impression of Bucky when he was sunburned, “Ow, Stevie, I can’t take my shirt off. Oh, Stevie can you please put this lotion on my back? Ow, Steve, you dumb fuck don’t slap my back!” Steve barked, laughter quickly filling up his body.

A deep red spread across Bucky’s face and he quickly tackled Steve, attempting to cover his mouth, “shut up! What if someone hears you? C’mon Steve, it was a really bad sunburn,” it was in fact a terrible sunburn, Steve hasn’t even managed to be burned that badly yet.

Steve continued his laughing fit, attempting to push away Bucky’s hand,”I’ll lick it! I swear!” he yelled out, earning a dark glare from Bucky.

“You wouldn’t,” He challenged, and the one thing you do no do is challenge Steve Rogers. Steve wiggled his eyebrows and Bucky’s eyes went wide and tried to retract his hand, but Steve sat up with it and gathered as much spit as possible and licked a long stripe on Bucky’s hand, drool dripping from it, “oh for fucks- Steve! That’s fucking disgusting,” he yelled, revolted by Steve’s assault.

Bucky started at his violated hand, shuddering, before his eyebrows shot up and his run of hand all over Steve’s shirt, “Buck- no, godamm- OW,” Bucky cackled, bathing in the feeling of sweet sweet revenge, “I hate you,” Steve groaned but allowed the smile to cover his face and not completely hate the tingling in his body.

Bucky’s eyes twinkled, always filled with mischief that drew Steve in, the same that sparkled in Steves’. It’s what made them so compatible, they were almost the same.

—————————————————

After that day in the park Steve has gotten into three different fights in a two week period, two of which Bucky wasn’t around for, not that Steve needed help. He was bruised and bloody after each one, but he managed to get a few get swings, he even nearly knocked a guys tooth out. The third fight, that was on Bucky. One thing him and Steve will never learn is to shut their damn mouths, but their consistency to start brawls over unfavorable behavior let others know they meant business- even if they only really checked to see if Barnes was around.

After the third fight, Steve had to get stitches under his eye, then his mother preceded to slap him behind his head and copied the action on Bucky. Both hung their heads in shame but started howling once she was gone. Mea Rogers was forcing Steve to spend most of his nights with the Barnes family, too worried he’d become sick from her new working arrangements. Steve protested and argued each time, usually with Sarah having to have Bucky convince him to listen to her. But when that doesn’t work Bucky would sit on the Rogers’ couch while they argued back and forth in Gaelic. Steve may be stubborn but he never stood a chance against his mother, not once has he won an argument with his her. That woman invented stubbornness, Bucky said once she kicked Steve out the house for the night.

It was truly the one fight Bucky prayed he’d back down from, even with the language barrier, Bucky felt the heat of her words.

Sometimes Steve would turn to Bucky for backup, but Bucky would put his hands up as Sarah's’ eyes bored into him, making him want to start digging his own grave. He usually gave a shy smile and a weak comment of, “sorry Stevie, I’m good here.” Steve would then proceed to say something in Gaelic that would make his mother give him a good slap, it sounded like,‘cool tone ah’ or sometimes ‘a-ch-own’. Bucky has yet to find someone to translate for him.

But in those proceeding months Sarah Rogers caught tuberculosis, not Steve. Bucky wouldn’t say it out loud, be he was mildly grateful. Not soon after her diagnosis she passed away inside the ward she once worked in.

When she had become sick Steve told Bucky in private, not wanting to tell the whole Barnes family alone, but before Steve broke the news Bucky already knew something was wrong, the way Steve hunched over and let his hair fall in his face was the first giveaway. Steve always tried to stand as straight as possible to help his curved spine, and Steve away pushed his hair back when it fell forward. 

Bucky will never forget that day, it was one of those events that always stick with you, that will always be in the back of his mind. Steve showed up to Bucky’s door in the evening, the weather was humid and the sky was grey, he asked Bucky if they could walk, get away and have some privacy. They had gone to Steve’s empty apartment in silence. When they arrived Steve opened the door loudly, causing Bucky to flinch at the noise, not wanting Steve’s ma to wake up and yell at them again. But nothing came.

They sat on the couch, listening to a clock tick steadily. Bucky felt his body buzzing from his anxiety but stayed silent as Steve gathered his thoughts, “she’s sick,” is all he said, his eyes glazed when he finally looked up. Bucky sore felt his soul leave his body for a moment as he felt l himself pale.

“What can we do?” He asked numbly,the words rolling off his lips without his permission. But Steve simply put his head down and shook his head then bit his lip. 

Bucky remembers he felt like his body wasn’t his own, he just remembers it moved on its own and spoke on its own accords. He felt completely numb, his heart pounding as his head filled with static. It was like he was just a passenger in his body. He held Steve for what felt like hours as they both silently cried, knowing what would come. 

Bucky Barnes will never forget that day.

He spent the next month trying to convince Steve they should live together, but Steve just wanted to be alone. So, Bucky gave him some space then brought the subject up again.

“Look Steve, it makes sense, we’ll have more money left over, pay less on rent if we get a single room, we could save on heat if we push our beds together in the winter. Steve, c’mon,” Bucky pleaded.

Steve stared blankly at Bucky before shaking his head, “I don’t wanna anchor you down Buck— hey, listen,” Steve gave a stern look before he could be interrupted, “- I get sick often Bucky, you know this. That’s going to take up the majority of our money—Bucky, stop—“

“But that’s a better point! If you get sick I can’t keep working Steve, you can’t work if you’re on your deathbed— don’t give me that damn look, I’m not gonna let you die because some brat sneezed on you. Steve Rogers ain’t going out that way,” he pushed, his voice hard. Bucky may not be as stubborn as Steve but after years of practice he knows he can annoy the shit out of him until he gets the response he wants, “please?”

“Buck… I can take care of myself, I don’t need you around to mother me,” he sneered, his eyes hard.

Bucky let a long dramatic sigh out, placing his hand over his eyes as he fell backwards on the couch, “you dumb fuck, I’m saying we can take care of each other. And if you want someone to mother you, pal, it ain’t gonna be me. I’ll kick your ass if you fuck up, not scold ya.”

“Kick my ass?” Steve grinned, picking Bucky’s chest.

Bucky peeked from under his arm, “yea I’ll kick your ass, Rogers. Someone’s gotta put you in your place,” he states, sitting up to face Steve properly, “don’t worry I’ll go easy on ya,” he winked.

“I would fucking own you.”

“No the hell you won’t, I got like 50lbs on you.”

“I won last time.”

“You kicked me in the balls!”

“Yea, an it worked. Also you should join the church choir, beautiful note you hit,” Steve waved his hand above his head, as Bucky’s face turned beet red

Bucky shook his head, licking his lips and sneering, “what the hell were we even fighting about?” He asked accusingly.

“Yo—“

“Ah ah— you—“ 

“Me!? You’re the one who—“

“How could I done anything if your were the one—“

“I did that because you fucki—“ 

“Well, that wouldn’t have happened if you just—“

“I’m allergic to peanuts, Buck! How could I?”

“But that could have been avoided if you—“

“Avoided? What if I actually went through and—“

“Yes!”

“Bucky that wasn’t going to fit in my pants!”

“Well if you believed, Steve—“

“You know what?” Steve huffed, “let’s drop it. Also the balloons would have popped.”

Bucky pulled at his hair, making it fall into his eyes, “dammit Steve, live with me,” he barked, his frustration starting to build.

“Ok.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I'm trying my best? I haven't written in a long time so I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.
> 
> Basically, I'm basing this off how I discovered my own sexuality and how I came to terms.


End file.
